I have something on my heart that I’ve wanted to share about for years, but it felt too shameful to reveal while I was going through it.
I had binge eating disorder.
“Binge eating disorder” feels like three measly words that don’t encapsulate the hell my body went through during this experience.
For 7 years, food consumed my life. What started with the pure intention to heal digestion issues, quickly and also slowly spiraled into being about so much more. Eating was about my livelihood. I held this belief that if ate perfectly, then I would heal my concussion, I would get the body of my dreams, attract my soul mate and, most importantly, I would be able to get back to playing soccer like myself.
Food thoughts consumed my life. I attributed my lingering concussion symptoms to not being strict enough with my diets.
I know now, that this is complete and utter nonsense. But, fuck, when you’re in it, it’s a dark and shameful place. Because you don’t know why you can’t stop your binging, especially when it’s the thing you loathe about yourself the most. I’ve never felt more out of control.
I share this story with so much compassion for myself and anyone who resonates with it. I believe that disordered eating and body image issues are way way way more prominent than we know. Especially, in the female athletic world.
I’ll be sharing how I got to the other side in the future, but for now, here’s a piece where I recount a day in the life of my eating disorder, when I was in the thick of it.
Sending love to anyone who relates and I hope you know that every part of you is pure magic.
Link to read and/or listen to my story in the bio @arrowliving
xx Kendall